Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I love you. Go after that dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
