He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
