Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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