Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
