dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
