yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
