I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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