Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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