Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
