there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
