Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize