my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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