They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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