i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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