No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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