Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ketchup is God's man juice
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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