I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize