He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
