I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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