this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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