I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
