I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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