I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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