It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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