Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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