I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
