I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
