you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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