I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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