the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
