Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
