you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
