She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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