The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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