someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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