Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
