just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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