Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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