I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
