so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
