I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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