i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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