Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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