She went from zero to smokin in five shots
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
