Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
