My nipple is on Facebook.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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