She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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