so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
