I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
