I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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