I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
