i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
