What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
