I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just gift wrapped bread.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
