he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
