only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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