sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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