The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So many bounce houses so little time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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