I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
