i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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