Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
