grandma shit on top of the toilet
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
