DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The air was thick with penises
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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