sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
